Marbles

Have you ever experienced a watershed* moment? Chances are, most of you have. What about watershed moments in relationships? Brene Brown talks about Marble Jar moments, overtime building trust (earning marbles). 

Most trusting relationships are actually built in small moments. But what about the big ones? Ever go through something difficult, to find the people who were there for you were not who you expected? Do you think it's because they knew how much it would mean to you, or because they just made a decision to be present? Does it make a difference? I've come to realize that I give bigger "marbles" in those watershed moments. Those turning points. Those milestones. Those break downs. People who stood with me in crisis and celebrated with me in victory. The people who saw my skeletons and mess, and without judgment showed me their own. 

Then what about those who weren't there? What then? Where were they? Do they lose a marble? Do you just let it go like nothing happened? Do you tell them what they missed out on? I suppose it all depends on how much trust was there in the first place, etc... One thing I know for sure is that watershed moments leave us changed. They aren't even talking to the same person. We're wiser. We're evolving. We're tired. We're _____... 

We are on this new path, for better or for worse. The friends who were there with us aren't "better" because they were there. This isn't a popularity contest... They were, however, present. They saw the story unfold. They were witness to the birth of this new you. Keep these friends close... They will remind you how far you've come. They will remind you of the battle scars no one else sees. But let others in too. Watch them. Do they see what has changed? Do they respect your story? Are they onboard with who you are striving to be? It's not too late for them to earn more of your trust. 

But there is no room for skeptics. For the fair weather friends. For the bully who makes you feel small. For the friend who won't cheer for you. The river has split, this is where you part ways, get back to rowing. The point is not to make a show and sever ties, absolutely not! There's just no room in the boat for an anchor... See the difference? 

Give trust where trust is due. Keep rowing.

*watershed definition

I Am Capable

I have caught myself with a pit in my stomach and a tightness in my chest all evening. This usually happens subconsciously when I mentally touch a "hot iron", which is what I call my anxiety triggers. Tonight it was a social trigger. So what do you do when your body says "man the battle stations!" (Fight or flight, yo) but you are a long ways past it mentally? You watch the Minions movie with your best friend and sip water. 

I've learned that my body's anxiety doesn't go away just because I want it to, it might not even go away when I'm done processing and the "threat" is gone. I have to metabolize the adrenaline and calm myself... And the less I try to ignore or minimize what my body is going through, the quicker it resolves itself. This goes for bad days and bad seasons. Whether it's bad enough that I make an appointment with my Doctor, or it's just a rough day and I go for my essential oils, there is a command center in my brain that knows to question what my anxiety tells me.

Anxiety isn't in charge. There certainly are days when my anxiety beats me up and it takes longer to recover... But if there's one thing I have learned in the last few years, it's that I am not who my anxiety would have me believe I am. 

I am capable of action. 

I am capable of processing. 

I am capable of doing new things. 

I am capable of recovering from a mistake. 

I am capable of choosing hope, rather than hopelessness. 

I am capable of doubting the lies my anxiety wants me to believe. 

I am capable of making plans and confidently following through. 

I am capable of confidently canceling plans when I need to focus on self care. 

I am capable of investing in peaceful activities that fill me up. 

I am capable of making a phone call to find support. 

I am capable of "naming it" and stripping anxiety of it's power to take over. 

I am capable of helping my children identify their big feelings and help them stand in their strength. 

I am capable of feeding myself well.

I am capable of giving myself grace.

I am capable of starting over tomorrow.

I am capable of making a life that honors Tab and the woman God made her to be, regardless of my physical and psychological speed bumps. 

The kind of mom I AM

The quiet was deafening, so I went to Gemma's bed. She slept in until 10am, people... I missed her. 

I opened her door and heard her stir. I tip toed... Her bed is covered with a tent, so I pulled back the sheet and she turned to me. "Gooo mornin!" She whispered. I excitedly hurried to her bed and plopped down. "Gemma! It's morning! I missed you! Good morning!" She giggled and blushed "Good morning momma, I love you!" We had a kiss fight, then hugged. 

I realized early on that Gemma is my morning person. She greets the day with a bang and loves to see the sun come up. I love being a part of her morning. I LOVE getting to sing "GOOD MORNING TO YOUUUUU!" As we walk to breakfast. 

She is a fire cracker full of life... I know she is a world changer, so I know I play an important part in helping her become who she was born to be. It's outside of my comfort zone, but oh how special it feels to brighten her world. 

I'm not the Pinterest mom who oozes sparkles and mod podge. I'm not super Green, I'm not stylish. I am not more or less than _____, those just aren't my gifts. 

What I am is Tab. I make ordinary things special. I mix and match socks, I hand my kids sheets of stickers and clean it up later. We finger paint, and play at the splash pad in our street clothes. I butcher songs and insert my kids' names. I celebrate milestones with cheers and tickle fights, even if all we accomplished was making it to our destination without throwing a fit. 

I bet I'm sounding like a good mom right about now, or maybe I just sound full of myself... But that's because I'm celebrating my strengths. My strengths are gifts to my kids, but so are my weaknesses. My lack organization makes things a little more exciting (funky sock combos). My lack of style means I stress less when my kid throws up on me. Physical touch isn't my primary love language, so the times I feel moved to initiate cuddles, it's special and memorable. I am introverted, that means I am not super great at anticipating Gemma's social needs, but I make our time at home magical because it's "my zone." 

We are all made up of give and take. Strengths and weaknesses. Pros and cons... But we can use all of them to our benefit, because we are each "enough mom" to go around. Our children weren't given to us at random. We were pre selected to raise our families. I don't know about you, but that's both the biggest compliment and the biggest challenge I have ever received, but I accept it either way.

Your Birth and Why I Offer So Many Options

"Your Birth and Why I Offer So Many Options"

What if I told you that you could prepare for your upcoming birth, IN your pajamas, using current, comprehensive, unbiased information? What if you could hand pick your class schedule with a certified, experienced and upbeat childbirth educator? What if I told you that this isn't crazy talk, it's real and it's available right now!?
 
Tab Moura Birth Services is now offering Online Interactive Childbirth Preparation courses! With flexible scheduling and payment plans available, I cannot imagine a more personalized experience! 
 
Class at home sounds great, but why should we pick Your Birth Experience?
Why choose Your Birth Experience? It's unbiased, meaning it tells it like it is. Are you planning for an epidural? C section? Natural hospital birth? Home birth? Birth Center? This curriculum presents the facts about childbirth, how your body works and prepares you for the unique birth experience awaiting you. We walk you through a vision building process to help you mentally prepare for any outcome, knowing that having a plan 'B', 'C', and even 'D' are sometimes necessary, but they don't have to define your experience. 

I have had a child before, how can YBE benefit me?
In short, YBE works for newbies AND veterans. Some parents enjoy having a refresher course. Others may plan to birth differently the second time; hearing the birth basics is a lot like birthing for the first time because your goals are different. Even if your plan is exactly the same as before, this curriculum can be utilized to help you have a more empowering or enjoyable experience the second time around.

Why create a birth plan? It's all out of my control anyway.
In a word? Preparation. Even if you agree entirely with the routine procedures your hospital uses, what is your plan B? Will you let them make those decisions as well? (what are those options anyway?) Then write it in your plan. Or do you want to know the options in advance so you can tailor your experience and confidently navigate your first "official" decisions as this child's parents? Whatever you choose, I guarantee you a nurse or Dr will ask you to make a decision at some point and labor is not a pleasant time to assess your options for the first time.
 
Is it time to contact me for a free consultation? I can meet in person, chat on the phone, FaceTime/Skype, or send information in the mail.

Why am I so flexible? Why is YBE so flexible? Because this experience is YOURS and we can't wait to begin preparing you for the birth experience you deserve!
Tab Moura Birth Services can be found on Facebook and online.,
Get to know Tab.

Toddlers, the meaning of life and chocolate

Toddlers, the meaning of life and chocolate.

It's been a busy millennium. It would take a while to catch you up on all of that, so let me cut to the quick... 

God has put a fire in my heart that has been turned on low these last few years. With my responsibilities revolving more around diaper changes and breastfeeding tiny humans, I have put very little coal on this fire and that was necessary. That was my season and it has been such an honor to become a mother and navigate this sea of growth. But even in this very targeted season, the fire burned on low... My true calling (Our true callings), our purposes and our passions in life never shut off... They never die. They never quit beckoning. 

On the late nights, rocking babies (and praying they would sleep,) I found myself thinking "WHY OH WHY DO I WISH I WAS WRITING RIGHT NOW? I'm practically sleep walking!" It called to me. My tablet, collecting dust... It summoned me, like a Starbucks sign on a long road trip. The fire inside had so much to say, so many new lessons learned, so much wisdom bubbling up inside and BOY was I feeling the calling... So what's my calling? Well yeah, I love writing. I also love chocolate... What else is new? My calling is more than a vocation, a career or a role. My calling is a contribution to the universe. To the church. To the lost. To the happy. To the suffering. My calling is to encourage and inspire. 

My passion keeps me awake at night and excites me in the early hours. My passion has drug me kicking and screaming through the dirt more times than I can count... "I must persevere!" My passion tells me "Wisdom begins with you. Come, learn!" My purpose in this life is to shed light on awkward silences. To empower the underdogs. Hold hands with the downcast. Cheer for the victors. Why can I do this? Why do I know this is my purpose? Because I have been through so many things that have threatened to change me, break me, kill me, distract me and "satisfy" me and it was not the end of the story. God's purpose, his fire he started in me can be stifled... But it cannot be put out. 

I realize a post like this may not resonate with everyone. But that's because our "purposes" "passions" and "callings" aren't tangible. It's who we are. It's the person God created you to be, a contribution to his universe. Turn down the volume if you please, but the calling is still there... And it speaks to each of us. You were created uniquely. There is no other contribution like you. 

I understand that "passion-talk" can be intimidating, or even feel like the wrong word all together. That's why I have used a few words interchangeably. Elizabeth Gilbert would suggests "If you can let go of passion and follow your curiosity, your curiosity might just lead you to your passion." What if that's all it really is, after all? What if your passion is being peaceful and quiet? What if your purpose is having fun with friends and building community? Those are important! Those count! We need you! We are calling you! God is calling you. 

Do you need to turn up the fire? Are you wondering "where do I even begin?" I'm a great listener, especially on this topic. I would love to talk about this!

What words describe you? 

Not just on the surface, but under the surface: Are you colorful? Are you joyful? Are you serene? Are you brave? Are you gentle? What is your contribution? What is one curious thing you can do today?

When we welcomed Reia

THE STORY:
I am what's considered a "survivor" when I gave birth (Book) I won't go into much detail about this, only to be vulnerable and explain that sexual trauma has influenced my journey as a mother in a profound way. My first birth was a difficult experience, followed by months of postpartum depression. The day we learned we were expecting our second child, I was honestly a bit anxious. However over time I sought support and committed to make this pregnancy the healthiest experience it could possibly be, physically and emotionally. I wanted to combat my fear of "what if?" and let's just say, I had an incredible pregnancy. We chose to birth at home, we found a great midwife Rebecca, I had a mother blessing, I invested in essential oils, I filled my life with great music... It was incredible.

Around 36-weeks I was swimming with my 41-weeks-pregnant sister and my 2 year old daughter, when my 2 year old decided to sprint around the pool toward the deep end. I instinctually pulled myself out of the pool to get to her, quickly realizing that I hyper extended my round ligaments while doing so. I began contracting. A warm bath and essential oils calmed things down, but from 36 weeks until 40 weeks, I suffered from prodromal labor due to ligaments that were hyperextended, a pubic bone that had shifted and my pelvis had tilted backward. I know this because I eventually saw Dr Zimmerman who specializes in prenatal chiropractic health. Thanks to her work, I found relief from my prodromal labor and was set up to have a healthy delivery! *i cannot imagine the labor/birth I would have had were it not for her expertise!*

The birth:

The night before my water broke we were with my parents and brother's family, grilling out. We decided to go for a walk after dinner and see if maybe we could get my 41-week-baby to commit and finally come on out. Nothing really happened that night, I noticed my contractions were evenly spaced, 15 mins apart, but that wasn't close enough to alert everyone around me. We went home, I mentioned to Jason that i could tell these were real contractions, but we were a long way from true labor. He nodded politely, knowing my oldest child sent very similar contractions for a whole 24 hrs before she was born. He was cool and collected, knowing I would keep up my over-sharing and he wouldn't miss a thing.
The next morning I was up, sent Jason off to work his half-day shift, Gemma was up with the sun and wanted to play. I did laundry, made a pizza, colored and cleaned... Around 11am I told Jason "We are definitely having a baby today... No rush, just prepare yourself... I'm still not telling our parents yet in case I'm wrong." (I was 41 weeks pregnant, he knew the drill, I told him everything... So these frequent updates were just for my peace of mind and he knew it, bless my heart.)

Around noon my dad called, just wanting to chat... I thought to myself "oh no... I don't remember how to have small talk!" I tried to hold a conversation during a few contractions, but I just couldn't stay focused, so I wrapped it up and went back to eating my pizza *mmmm*. Jason got home between 12:30 and 1, I was happy to see him, we needed to get the birth stuff together! By this time I was contracting every 7-10mins.

I had meditated for 9 months on a water birth, using the song Oceans by Hillsong United (Song). We decorated the nursery with an ocean theme, It was amazing and very effective. My oldest, Gemma wouldn't nap in her bed that day, so we cuddled on the couch and we both fell asleep. This was an incredibly rare occurrence, so I was once again affirmed that this was true labor, as a calming gravity seemed to draw Jason, Gemma and I together.

Around 4pm I felt a contraction and a pop, as the baby dropped lower. I noticed a little extra fluid, but It didn't even fill my pad, so I wasn't confident that my water had broken.  I messaged my midwives to get their opinion, they had me take an amnio test from my birth kit to see if my water had broken. Yep! Tested positive! Turns out not everyone's water breaks in a giant gush! I went back to resting on the couch, I nursed Gemma through one contraction, knowing we would have my parents come get her soon. Breastfeeding triggered very strong contractions so I messaged for my parents to come pick her up ASAP. While waiting for them I slowly walked and grabbed some items Gemma would need for her FIRST sleep over (ever). I was growing emotional, wishing I could prepare her better, but I was quite distracted by the contractions at this point. Jason was still playing XBox when they arrived to pick her up around 4:30pm. We both expected this to be like my first birth, at this rate we have 12 more hours... So not in a hurry. I hadn't updated him in about 20 minutes, so he had no clue that things were serious enough that I had asked my parents to come.

(This is a nice place to explain that the cervix isn't a crystal ball, things can change quickly In labor, no two births are a like, etc...)

I felt most comfortable in the bathroom sitting on the toilet, so I stayed in there for a while by myself. I felt that things were getting serious so I messaged my midwives around 5pm, telling them it was time to come for support and delivery. I then moved to kneeling at my bed.

I just have to say, I am extremely proud of myself and my focus through some pretty intense and quick contractions. I breathed into my contractions and relaxed various parts of my body as I envisioned melting through the floor. As a birth Doula myself, I "doula'd" myself and tried to identify how far I had to go between my contractions, an effort to conserve my energy. In the midst of each contraction my heart was fully present to "open" and welcome our little one. As things intensified I began chanting OPEN.

Around 5:30pm my first midwife arrived and began monitoring baby and helping me breathe through contractions. Jason was on the phone with my sister in law/ photographer, trying to discuss with ME if I felt this was baby time. I couldn't answer, so my midwife politely told him "she's getting pretty serious, I would have her head this way." Between 5:30 and 6pm, two other midwives arrived and began inflating our birth tub immediately. I tried side lying for a few moments. They were about to check my cervix for dilation around 6pm, but the baby wouldn't have it so I asked for help to go to the bathroom to pee (yes, you heard me, not poop, PEE.) 

On my way from my bed to the bathroom (4 feet away) I began feeling the urge to push. They encouraged me to try and wait (you know, so they could stop trying to set up the birth tub and put a tarp down to deliver a baby in my bed room instead!) But I couldn't. This was just after 6pm, my photographer came in at this point. While holding on around Jason's neck, I stood in my half bathroom and delivered our daughter, catching her myself. I am very thankful I made it to the tile, because as it turns out, about 90% of my amniotic fluid was still in my uterus at the time that I delivered my daughter, making quite a splash as she came out! It was such a whirlwind, such a beautiful, heavenly whirlwind. I didn't get the water birth I had dreamed of and prepared for, but because my focus was on my meditation, rather than the details, my experience was perfect. It was empowering and messy and memorable and exciting and profoundly healing.

Reia Kaye Cordelia made her appearance at 41 weeks and 1 day. Arriving at 6:14pm on August 14th, weighing 9lbs and 21 3/4" long. I was officially in active labor for 2 hours and 14 minutes and loved every minute of it. To read my about my journey during my pregnancy meditations on Oceans, visit my blog

Photos by Angelyn Moura Photography @ http://angelynmouraphotography.com/photographer/

This is for the Moms (We need to stick together)

I am a mother. While this does not tell you everything that I am, I feel that it does elude to quite a bit. Today, as I survey my messy home and as I reflect on how super awesome Walmart Grocery Pick Up is... I thought of these three simple ways that all of you moms out there understand me. When I begin to feel overwhelmed... You help me remember I am not alone. We need to stick together!

We change diapers

•This is literally the first thing I imagine when I consider motherhood. I automatically can assume that the other mothers in my life have changed diapers or have potty trained their children. This is the first tool in my self-love arsenal. When I feel tempted to compare myself to other mothers, I am instantly humbled by the fact that we all handle poop... We all deserve a medal (and a nice Jacuzzi bath.)

We wash laundry... And eventually put it away

•There is a quote by Thema Davis that I have heard before, "Saying yes to happiness means learning to say "no" to things that stress you out." Yes, chores stress me out, but obviously someone needs to do them, right? So this quote isn't saying "GOODBYE RESPONSIBILITY!" Rather, it just means that each of us are also raising little people with needs (and they are freaking adorable most of the time) so we have to prioritize. We all have to do this. Sometimes we choose stress, sometimes we choose happiness... But don't worry, we all do it. We all have this in common, no matter how picture perfect we seem on Facebook.

We play

•If you have children, you probably have played make believe of some kind. Maybe your kids are like my oldest, she wants to be a Train. Not an Engineer, an actual Train. I support this. Her vibrant imagination is so sweet and full of life. Because we play, we are all a part of who our children believe they can become. The sky is the limit. When we get caught up in the routine and chaos that our days hold, we sometimes lose sight of this. We are raising Doctors, Engineers, Nurses, Politicians... They may be business owners, bosses, subordinates... Not only are we raising who they will become, but we are raising them to believe in those around them as well. Leaders and Followers. We need both. We get to let them lead, showing them how to follow. 

Do you need a healthy dose of self love? My love language is affirmation, so basically I can dish it out all day long. Leave me a message! I would love to chat. You are not alone in this big, crazy role... I'm standing with you.

What are other basic ways we can all relate as mothers? Leave your comments!